by Kyle Robinson
-- The centuries old Amish magazine ‘Family Life’ has reported that 98% of the Old Order Amish community has voted Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, as the ‘Most Destructive Man in History.’ As the most technologically challenged people among us, the Amish have never viewed modern technology as a net benefit to society but rather as a plague.
“This single discovery set off a chain of events that has brought about the most corrupt society in history with their black N’ white televisions, their gramophone records, and their Tesla Cybertrucks!” exclaimed pioneer Jebadiah Yoder.
Edison was not exactly fond of the Amish community during his day, referring to them disparagingly as the ‘Abraham Lincoln People.’ The feud began as the Amish began a series of ‘drive by’s’ in an attempt to sabotage Edison’s finished version of the light bulb, an event that Yoder claimed would “bring about the end times.”
Dr. Phil felt the need to chime in on the vote by stating “You cannot eat at the Chinese buffet if there’s no duck sauce.”
The runners-up to Edison on the vote were as follows: Elon Musk, The Wright Brothers, the guy who invented modern plumbing, and Neil Armstrong.
Comentários