Anakin Skywalker Reveals He Was The One That Fed Rick Ross His Pears

by Drew Valdez

-- Not too long ago Rick Ross had one of the more notorious weight loss transformations among celebrities. The Mississippi-born rapper claimed he lost nearly 100 pounds in order to “save his life.” What was most interesting is that Rozay attributed losing the weight to eating an abundance of pears.

Now, legendary jedi Anakin Skywalker has come out and said he was the one who fed Rick Ross his pears. “I did the same thing I did with Padmé in Attack of the Clones where I would pick the pear up using the force and feed it to Rick,” said Skywalker as he cursed at a TV that was playing The Force Awakens.

The youngling murderer continued, “At first, feeding him was like pulling teeth. He would whine and beg me to put hot sauce on them because he didn’t like how they tasted, but I eventually started threatening him at saberpoint saying I would force him to watch Takers on repeat if he didn’t eat them. He never complained again after that.”

When asked why he decided to break this news now, Skywalker said, “Well you know things haven’t been so on the light side for me. I was out of a job when Rick lost his weight. After that, Padmé left me, things got super stressful on the Death Star, and now I’m up to my shoulders in debt at the Mos Eisley Cantina. I’m honestly just looking for work. I’ll feed anybody, anything. Anything.”