By Drew Valdez
-- Shocked to learn that Joe Biden has not officially died yet and much to the disappointment of college students across the nation, Bernie Sanders is suspending the campaign delegates had forgotten he was still running. Late Tuesday night, Larry David called Sanders asking him to be his stunt double on Curb Your Enthusiasm after he sustained an injury shoo-ing a raccoon off his lawn.
As per usual, Sanders refused to address his supporters until the full Soviet National Anthem had concluded. Noticeably moved by the tune, Bernie finally stated “I knew I had to abandon my campaign efforts. It was a no brainer, Larry always covered for me on SNL while I was on the campaign trail and I knew I had to return the favor.”
“Larry not being able to do his own stunts would be too much of a detriment to the show. Listen, I have five, maybe six more chances to run for president, but I may never have the chance to step up for my friend again,” said a falsely optimistic Sanders.
Production is set to resume once the pandemic is over, giving Sanders time to limber up for his new gig.
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