by Kyle Robinson
-- “It’s really quite simple, nobody needs an AR-15. It is putting Russian soldiers at higher risk of being a victim of gun violence by allowing citizens to have these dangerous machines,” said Beto O’Rourke as he took a bong rip. “What happened to peaceful invasions where the citizens weren’t armed??! Those were the days.”
The comments from the failed former presidential candidate and professional useless person, Beto O’Rourke have garnered severe pushback from people who have read about five minutes of history. As the Russian invasion of Ukraine continues, Volodymyr Zelinskyy has resorted to arming any citizens who are willing to stay and defend the country.
Beto then proceeded to suggest that eating the dirt of African countries and becoming ‘one with the soil’ is the key to world peace. His wife vehemently denied ever being associated with Beto, citing it was an arranged marriage that she never approved of.
It is unclear if anyone besides our inside reporter is even aware that O’Rourke still makes statements on current events. Subsequently, the previously mentioned reporter has been fired for bringing legitimacy to Beto’s statements.
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