By Kyle Robinson
-- As concerns set in involving Joe Biden’s energy levels and mental capacity, Joe has made a vow that he intends to visit all 48 states between now and November. Traditionally, swing states see the most of each candidate as the election nears, but Biden’s new ‘Touch ‘em all’ strategy could be an interesting case study if executed.
“People need to see me yell at construction workers and sniff hair in all of our states, not just the important ones,” said Joe as he addressed the incorrect camera. “This used to be simpler when we only had 13 but the Mormons and their damn ‘Manifest Destiny’ really made this tougher.”
A campaign staffer made a point to tell us that roughly half the states will simply be paid to run stories proclaiming Biden had actually been there when really he will be napping on the drive.
When asked about more details Biden replied, “We are going to print out the Mapquest directions and…. uhh promise to get those missiles out of Cuba and…. Uhhh America…..ughhaahggg peanut butter…”
There is currently no timetable as to when the former VP will begin his quest.
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