By Kyle Robinson
-- After months of negotiation the two sides have agreed to a 5-year deal that could be worth up to $350 million and 3 tons of grilled bats (4 flavor sauce maximum) with incentives.
“Having worked together in the past, we knew we had chemistry and a common worldview, it was only a matter of time before a deal would be struck,” announced a gleeful President Xi. He continued, “We considered some other big name networks but when CNN ran the headline ‘China has cured Coronavirus’ with absolutely no verification we knew we had something special.”
A reporter was able to catch up with CNN’s Chris Cuomo after he had thrown a man down a stairwell for calling him 'Fredo.' Cuomo said, “We knew we couldn’t let this Pandemic go to waste, it was a perfect opportunity to show China what we are capable of. This is the big leagues of propaganda… or uh..reporting… and it is an exciting step for us as a network.”
Some bonus opportunities for CNN come as follows:
Getting Trump’s approval rating below 30%
Convincing Americans that dragons are real
Reporting no more than 10% of the actual Coronavirus cases plaguing Wuhan
Convincing Americans that the counterfeit Rolex watches are actually the REAL Rolex watches
Building statues of Mao Zedong around CNN offices
MSNBC will be relegated back to covering the governments of Iran and Cuba once again.
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