by Drew Valdez
-- The now formerly racist Washington Football Team lost in their home opener Sunday that was supposed to have a special pre-game appearance from president Joe Biden himself, however a naturally mixed up Joe showed up on Wednesday. Traditionally, professional football games do not have a ceremonial first pitch, as that is a staple at professional baseball games, however sleepy Joe insisted he must because “he still has an arm on him.”
The childrens hair sniffer said, “The Nats are gonna take down the uhh.. The Birmingham.. the- the uh San Fran.. San cisco C-C-Capitals today!” Which is hard to follow because the Nats and the Capitals are MLB and NHL teams, respectively. They also represent the same city, so now fans are confused about who the president was rooting for, which has this unexplainable, eerily familiar feeling to it.
“Strike..” Biden mumbled as he threw a pitch from the 27 yard line into the stands, nearly hitting an employee’s baby. The baby was then removed from the stadium for not wearing a mask.
“At this point we just let him enjoy what he still can, that's why we haven't told him anything,” said one secret serviceman.
Biden then left the stadium after he wet himself.
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