By Kyle Robinson
-- It was a bleak day for Gingerbredman shop owner and 28-year-old non-binary person, Jamie Ostrander, leader of the “Woke Brigade.” Since the woke age of 9, after attending the inaugural “Transgender Story Hour” in his native San Francisco local library, Jamie had experienced one of history’s most profound epiphanies and was soon the self-proclaimed: “Most Woke Person on the Planet.”
“It was the greatest day of my life!” She exclaimed as he took a hit from his vape pen. “I truly could not think of something better than to virtue signal to my friends about my tolerance for people who identify differently.”
But then, one day, there it was, right under his nose. Jamie had realized that the GingerbredMAN sign of his shop had been unintentionally excluding women and transwomen and all the other ones from his shop from feeling fully included. A reporter caught up with Jamie on his way to the local safe space to calm herself.
In tears he apologized profusely to the angry mob following him around.
“I just became totally oblivious to the worst microaggression imaginable” he said as he slapped a “Coexist” bumper sticker on a Prius ‘just cuz.’
After an hour of meditation in the local ‘Gun Free Safe Space’ he decided he would change the name of his shop to “Woke Gingerbredtransgenders.” Jamie had a jolt rejuvination for his new shop!
“We can now forget that dark time of our shop’s history and embrace our new style. It’s a little extra dough but now everybody feels included!”
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