by Drew Valdez
-- In a groundbreaking, tell-all interview, a dog we were able to sit down with revealed the secret as to how the species is able to bark all night long.
The interview remains uncut and unedited to include all details
Weekly Report: So before we get into it, you’re sure to want to expose this delicate piece of information even though it may lead to actions of suppression by your owners?
Dog: Ruff!
WR: Okay well if you’re ready, the floor is yours.
Dog: Ruff, ruff-ruff ruff ruff ruff. Ruff ruff ruff-ruff-ruff… ruff.
WR: Just like that?
Dog: Ruff ruff ruff.
WR: And that's true for all dogs?
Dog: Ruff, ruff.
WR: I would’ve never thought us humans would actually learn how you guys do it. I mean cause you know what you’re doing when you’re doing it right?
Dog: (Laughingly) Ruff ruf ruff!
WR: And how do you know to time it perfectly for when we’re just about to go back to sleep and you start up again?
Dog: Ruff… ruff-ruff. Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff.
WR: That’s actually a really good point. And is that all there is to it or?
Dog: Ruff, ruff, ruff-ruff ruff.. RUFF!
WR: And real quick while I have you here, I wanted to get your thoughts about what's going on between Armenia and Azerbaijan right now.
Dog: Ruff.. ruff RUFF, ruff ruf ruff. Ruff ruf ruf ruf rufff ruf ruff, ruff ruff-ruff-ruff. Ruf-ruff. Ruff ruff ruff ruff, ruf ruf ruff-ruff. Ruff. Ruff ruff ruff, ruff ruff ruff rufff ruf ruff. Ruff-ruff, woof [sic]. Ruff ruff ruff. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff. Ruff, ruf. Ruff ruf ruff ruf ruff ruff. Ruff-ruff-ruff-ruff, ruff ruf. Ruff ruff ruf ruff, ruff ruf ruff ruff ruff ruff.
WR: Wow, thanks for sharing and being so open about it. So there you have it folks, dog, thank you so much for your time. Hopefully we can talk again soon and you can tell us your true feelings towards neutering.
Dog: Ruff-ruff!
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