By Drew Valdez
-- Last night, police responded to a domestic violence call in a normally quiet suburb. Neighbors say they heard loud yelling and decided to notify authorities when a heavy thump and woman-like shriek resonated through their walls.
“It started when I decided that we’d have a family game night,” said wife, Maxine. “I felt we needed some quality time with each other during this quarantine.” Teenage sons, Michael and James, chose to play their favorite game, Monopoly. “Frank isn’t the best at Monopoly,” Maxine said of her husband. “I think the boys picked it because they knew he'd have trouble winning.”
According to the couple’s teenage daughter, their dad began drinking vodka and a six-pack of beer when the family started the game. It wasn’t long before Frank was drunkenly scattering money all over and accusing his sons of collusion as he found himself in last place.
James said, “We know he always tries to buy the Electric Company because he used to work there, so each time we try to make sure one of us buys it before our dad can. It didn’t help that he kept going to jail and not collecting $200. We were obviously messing with him as we always do, but I guess this time we went a little too far.”
The final straw was when the sons made a trade that seemed a little too suspicious. “That’s when Frank flipped the table and leapt across at James,” Maxine said. Police state, “The father punched his son in the face several times and attempted to shove game pieces down the son’s throat before stopping to vomit.
“This time of quarantine is really getting the best of us,” Frank said as he was escorted to the backseat of a police vehicle.
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