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  • Writer's pictureWeekly Report

“Gemstones Don’t Do Anything!” Says Guy Who Thinks Someone Walked On Water

by Drew Valdez

-- Gemstones have long been used for their believed healing powers and have only expanded in popularity with Millennial influence on society accompanied with the growth of Gen Z. However to some, gemstones are just rocks that have no potential healing energies and God is a deity that can hear you and do tangible things for you when you talk to Him (and also supposedly created these rocks).


“It’s all a bunch of BS!” said James Kirkland, a devout believer in Jesus Christ and God and all that.


“There’s truth and then there’s lies,” said James as he began to shake in a concerning manner. “I’ll name some indisputable facts right now: O.J. killed his wife, Kyle Rittenhouse did NOT do anything wrong, and Jesus Christ walked on water.”


We asked Kirkland how he felt about everyone being entitled to their own beliefs to which he responded, “That’s fine, but they’re wrong.”


“Gemstones don’t do anything!” Kirkland said as he replayed the walking on water scene in Bruce Almighty.

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