by Drew Valdez
-- Intersectional people rejoice! Brittney Griner is back on U.S. soil with her voice deeper than ever. The Phoenix Mercury (a women's professional basketball team in America) was glad to welcome their star player back to action on Saturday after Griner spent nearly 300 days in Russian prison.
Griner came back with a force as she posted 17 points, 3 rebounds, and 2 assists along with 4 bong rips in 31 minutes in a game in which she almost completed a dunk. This is a vast improvement from Viktor Bout a.k.a The Merchant of Death, who was averaging 6 points, 2 rebounds, 4 firearms dealt, and 3 civilians killed a game.
"I think my departure is best for the team," said Bout as he sold a few assault rifles to some young Black men. "I just don't think my skillset was a good fit with this group of girls."
Handfuls of fans trickled into the street after the game chanting, "KRI-MER, KRI-MER" as it seemed as though they did not even know who they were celebrating.
Comments