By Kyle Robinson
-- As tensions rise on the prospect of reopening society, some members of the community simply do not understand our new authoritarian rule. “Mr. Freeze” as he is known, is an ice cream truck operator in Hoffman Estates performing the most hostile of acts in society: selling ice cream to children.
“He simply believes he is above the law by selling sealed packaged treats to statistically the least vulnerable among us, and it is this danger we are trying to weed out of our communities,” said a Chicago officer.
Citizens of the community gathered in close crowds with torches and pitchforks chanting “LOCK HIM UP!” Some even went as far as to suggest the death penalty for such an offense. One concerned citizen exclaimed, “This is just like 9/11 all over again.”
As an officer was finishing the paperwork to release criminals from prison to combat Coronavirus he informed us of the seriousness of Mr. Freeze’s offense. “It is a matter of public safety, and if we do not have total compliance then what are we even doing here?” A taxpayer-funded reward of $80,000 is being offered for any information leading to the arrest.
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