By Kyle Robinson
-- It was simply too much for the ‘woke’ demographic of our country to see MyPillow founder Mike Lindell appear to be in a good mood while within 4 miles of President Trump. A born-again Christian, Lindell discussed the impact God had on his life as well as the country, and ending his speech by stating that he would be converting his facilities to manufacture ventilators, bibles, crucifixes, and guns ‘just because.’
“How dare he use God to better himself, let alone talk about it!” exclaimed a Lesbian Dance Theory Major from UC Berkeley. “The only reasonable response is to ban pillows by government mandate to fight this hate. I realize he is also making ventilators in order to save lives but we need to understand that taking down anyone who dares thank orange people must be destroyed.”
The student then set up a petition booth in his safe space and encouraged people to start using pillow alternatives found around the house such as: microwaves, printers, picture frames, weed scales, and unused vape pens.
A current Covid-19 patient said he “would rather die than use any pillow or one of the ventilators produced by a conservative, christian, who presumably hates gays, transgenders, blacks, colored hair, and avocado toast.”...This was the last known quote from this patient.
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