By Kyle Robinson
-- A quiet night in Nancy Pelosi’s San Francisco based mansion turned to panic suddenly when Chuck Schumer was quoted on CNN as saying “There is great bipartisan support for the $44 trillion stimulus package.” Pelosi leapt from her couch and sprinted to her car, weaving in and out of tent cities avoiding homeless, needles, and human waste on the streets of her district to get to Washington.
“I know for a fact Chuck did not include the pony I’ve wanted since I was six!” Pelosi angrily exclaimed as she set fire to the proposal which would give immediate aid to small businesses. “We’ve talked about for years using the next crisis as a chance to slip this one in and I won’t allow it to slip away.”
Pelosi scribbled a list of additional demands as punishment for intentionally leaving out her beloved pony including: $40 million for new needles for her homeless population, a full government takeover of deodorant production, and funding for her new patio olympic swimming pool which she will never use. “A failure of McConnell to submit to these demands shows total lack of character for depriving the American people of financial assistance they desperately need.”
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