by Kyle Robinson
-- With Bob Ross instructional videos blaring from four separate screens in NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio’s office, the media could barely hear one another upon entering. De Blasio had been holed up for the past 48 hours under the delusion that his art creations and city crime were inversely related.
De Blasio was inspired to continue the practice after helping repaint the damaged “Black Lives Matter” street painting. He took great pride in standing with his city’s black community to paint even while a few shooting victims lay dead behind him.
“I do not understand what is so hard to believe about this! The more I paint, the less crime there is!” He loudly yelled at reporters as he slammed down another sloppy canvas on a pile next to him. He quickly grabbed another clean canvas to quickly slather with indiscriminate painting strokes while using a brush typically used on houses.
With nearly double the amount of shootings at this point in the year, as opposed to this time in 2019, Mayor de Blasio decided it’s best to take $1 Billion away from the NYPD, demonize the remaining officers, and paint.
Mayor de Blasio’s approval rating is soaring among Millenials and Gen-Xers among the recent dedication to this radical plan.
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