by Drew Valdez
-- Legendary NBA announcer, Mike Breen, most known for his “BANG!” calls after significant plays, has officially partnered with Bang Bus, a popular pornography website known for guys driving around in a minivan and picking up women for a false purpose then slowly persuading them to have sex. Both sides had apparently been working on a deal to combine the “perfect match” for years and have now made perhaps the most unprecedented partnership in history happen.
A representative from Bang Bus said, “I mean our girls already have sex with NBA players privately so we’re super excited that we’ll now publicly go hand in hand with the world’s top professional basketball league for all the young NBA fans to see.”
“Plus we’ll finally be able to legally fill that awkward silence during an ejaculation with such a unique sound!” the representative said while unboxing a pallet of lube.
Details of the deal are as follows:
- Breen will be allowed to drive the bus
- Breen can record what happens in the bus on his phone to use later
- Each NBA game, one pornstar will join the TV broadcast and sit between Breen and Jeff Van Gundy
- A pair of boobs will flash on screen after every “BANG!” call
- Breen will announce Bang Bus’s NBA (Nude Basketball League) games that will be streamed on their website
- One used Bang Bus minivan will be given to the NBA (National Basketball Association) Champions at the end of the season
Bang Bus has also struck smaller deals with Zion Williamson, Bruce Brown, Payton Pritchard, and Paul Pierce.
When asked about the deal, Breen said, “I just broke things off with my wife and bought a subscription to BlueChew! Let's go, baby! BANG!!”
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