By Kyle Robinson
-- In a Colin Kaepernik-backed rioting Wednesday in Minneapolis, things seemed to be going as planned. As the tragic murder of George Floyd is being investigated, and appropriately so, some residents figured it would also serve as a great excuse to get a free television, carrots, chicken, and whatever else was on their list, as all of this is clearly the fault of Target.
“We were monitoring the event from a distance assuring that everyone was maintaining safe practices,” said officer O’neil of the Minneapolis PD. “Unfortunately we were forced to make an arrest of local resident Daniel Wilson.” Wilson, 82, was seen shoving a treadmill into a beat-up 1992 sedan while leaving his face completely exposed to those around him.
Officer O’Neill continued in a somber tone, “It’s just very sad to see that people still refuse to follow Coronavirus protocol and could be this stubborn.”
Wilson was immediately apprehended and taken to the county jail where he was released within the hour due to the ‘Jail Safety Measures’ being taken to reduce the number of inmates in close quarters to prevent virus spread. Wilson was then apprehended outside the jail upon his release for still not having a mask on.
“We are in cycle number four of this and are projected to get through about eight by the end of the night. Something is beginning to tell me that these new policies are not very effective.”
Damages to the community Target are estimated to be in the tens of millions of dollars.
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