by Kyle Robinson
-- The Los Angeles Dodgers had to make a tough move by releasing outfielder Mookie Betts after it was discovered by local unemployed Social Justice Warrior Craig Norrington that the star right fielder did NOT have his pronouns in his Twitter Bio. The move hurts the Dodgers who will be forking out the remaining nine years of the lengthy contract which totals $365 million.
“This is the sort of hatred and injustice that our society simply cannot tolerate. NOBODY should be able to be employed without this simple act of solidarity which Betts believes he is too good for,” said Norrington from his mom’s basement.
Mark Walter from the ownership group ‘Guggenheim Baseball Management’ (yes, that is the real name) struggled to find the words to express his disappointment: “That SJW cost us $365 million but we can’t risk alienating our fanbase.”
“This young man just doesn’t get it!” exclaimed an oddly interested Dr. Phil on his way to the bar. “You don’t wanna hide a Mars Bar in your sleeping bag when there’s a bear outside the tent.” In hindsight we should not have sent our field reporter to Dr. Phil McGraw on a Friday night for his opinion.
A separate sect of the SJWs, also led by Norrington, are now seeking justice for the termination of Betts since he is a person of color. “We cannot be silent as black men are fired from their employment, regardless of the reason!”
The inconsistencies from Norrington caused our reporter to throw in the towel… future reports will follow throughout the week.
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