By Drew Valdez
-- Vaccine researchers all over the world had been working tirelessly experimenting with everything they could think of to create a vaccine in order to put an end to the virus. And after rumors late last night, it can be confirmed that a cure for the coronavirus has been found.
Just when they felt all options had been exhausted, a group of researchers in New York remembered that president Trump had gloated about his TV ratings several weeks earlier. “That’s when it hit us,” said one doctor. “Ratings were the one thing we hadn’t tested up to that point. We literally tested everything from essential oils to Bang energy drinks. Everything except the president’s TV ratings.”
“After we quintuple checked to confirm that we didn’t misremember it and that Trump actually did that, we started testing the ratings,” another researcher said.
According to reports, the coronavirus was instantaneously expunged from patient’s bodies when the president’s ratings were displayed to them. It was then determined that the ratings are an immediate cure for the virus.
The CDC is planning on distributing the ratings by shooting them like a basketball into rooms of patients while they lie in their hospital beds.
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