by Drew Valdez
-- We ranked the top five places to drink milk from. Each ranking is based on several years of experience and data collection. We have also disregarded any of PETA's or The Humane Society's propaganda about cows. So without further ado, let's get a moove on with it!
5. Glass
Can’t go wrong with this classic. We believe a cold glass of milk is how modern-era Jesus intended us to consume it.
4. Mother's Breast
This one is tricky because it’s great if you’re a boob person, but the dangers of drinking raw, unfiltered milk are still present. There is also the obvious trouble of finding a mother’s breast to drink from. If the risks of drinking straight from the source don’t bother you, then latching on and sucking away is a truly amazing way to do it.
3. Carton
The way the cardboard funnel fits perfectly to your mouth with the smooth flow of the cold milk down your gullet satisfies like no other. This is best done after 11 p.m. with the refrigerator door still open. Plus, if you can chug a ¾ full carton of milk all the way, you won’t need to have breakfast the next morning.
2. Spilled On Counter
There is just something about slurping it up like a vacuum that provides a different kind of taste for your palette. Not to mention, it makes for a ton of fun especially if you have time to get real messy.
1. Cow's Udder
Nothing beats drinking milk straight from the source, unfiltered with all its glory. Sure the taste will send shivers down your spine (most likely your body’s autoimmune response to salmonella and E. Coli), but nothing beats the primal reaction you feel that says, “This is how it’s supposed to be.”
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