Woman Dies; Brought Back To Life By The Existence Of Hayley From Paramore

by Drew Valdez

-- Hudson Memorial Hospital experienced a medical marvel last week as a woman suddenly woke 3 minutes and 39 seconds after being pronounced dead. Doctors say the skydiving victim, Kelly Sorano, was one of the worst patients they had ever seen.

Fortunately for Sorano, Hayley from Paramore exists.

When we spoke to Kelly’s friends, they claimed Ms. Williams, “Just gives them so much life.” We found this to be true after Kelly had actually quoted a tweet from the frontwoman that said, “UGH SHE GIVES ME SO MUCH LIFE <3”

At this time, medical professionals are uncertain whether you have to be a fan of just Hayley, or the band as a whole, or specifically say that she gives you life for someone to actually be given life.

We did some research and found that Kelly is in fact a longtime fan after discovering some tweets from 2009 in which she photoshopped a picture of her with the band while hyping up their latest album.