By Drew Valdez
-- World War Three has officially been put on hold until the coronavirus is contained. National leaders came to a unanimous decision over a poorly connected Zoom video conference in which they decided to halt all activities to progress towards a third world war.
Self-proclaimed “Supernatural Supreme Leader of North Korea” or SSLONK Kim Jong-un said, “We were considering a ‘Two Stones, One Bird’ approach for decimating human life, but it’s a tough call. Why would I use a second stone when the first one is currently working just fine?” He then wiped a tear from his eye as he looked upon the big red button on his desk.
A vote taken at the U.N. reported that a slight majority of world leaders favor “no war despite its possible economic stimulus opportunity.” The nations have expressed that they want to give those around the world one major global crisis to handle at a time. The room was then disrupted by Iranian Leader, Hassan Rouhani, as he became hysterical at the prospect of invading Israel.
“We felt that we needed to act like we’re focusing on helping our people right now,” said Benjamin Netanyahu as he put on a KAG hat.
According to sources, His Majesty Trump and SSLONK have reached an agreement to delay all Twitter beef and slights towards each other in press conferences until the pandemic is over. They are doing this in hopes to save the good stuff for when it really matters.
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