Yankees Announce They Will Remove Stanton From Game In 4th Inning With Expected Injury

by Drew Valdez

-- It seems the Yanks have finally figured out how to read All-Star and regular IL member, Giancarlo Stanton, after years of “unexpected” injuries. Just hours before first pitch of game 2 of the ALDS, the ballclub has announced they will have to take Stanton out of the game as he will suffer another injury. 

“It’s been way too long since his last one,” said manager Aaron Boone of Stanton's most recent injury. Stanton was last seen on the injured list just a few weeks ago. 

The cause of the future injury is unknown at this time, but we learned that team personnel saw Stanton macgyver a squat rack with free weights and foldable chairs in the hotel gym. A team trainer said, “I tried to tell him it wasn’t safe, but he just had this look in his eyes so I backed off.”

“He’s come back from injury before so we expect him back at 57% health at some point,” GM Brian Cashman said as five forehead veins bulged from his head.