Weekly Report
“Getting Rid Of Your Buccal Fat? But That's The Best Part!” Says Armie Hammer
by Drew Valdez -- After a recent photo shared by actress Lea Michelle, many are speculating that she has had surgery to remove the buccal...
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Weekly Report
May 9, 2022
Drake’s “When To Say When” Based On Interaction With Waiter Grating Parmesan Cheese Onto His Pasta
by Drew Valdez -- “When To Say When” is a song we’ve all believed to be a nondescript song about Drake’s journey in music so far, but in...
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Weekly Report
Mar 2, 2022
Dua Lipa Does Hip Twist Dance To Distract Everyone From Copyright Lawsuit
by Drew Valdez -- Pop megastar Dua Lipa (or Dula Peep if you’re Wendy Williams) is reportedly being sued by Florida reggae band, Artikal...
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Weekly Report
Feb 23, 2022
Not To Be Outdone By Russia, Kanye Finally Declares War On Leather Clothing
by Drew Valdez -- On the day Russia declares war on Ukraine, Kanye West made a huge announcement via the Weekly Report exclusively. West:...
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Weekly Report
Nov 26, 2021
Crip Mac Vid Leads To Increase In Deaths Among Non-Black Angelenos After Attempting To Bang The Set
by Drew Valdez -- A new viral video has swept the internet this week. Popular YouTube channel, Channel 5 with Andrew Callaghan, published...
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Weekly Report
Mar 4, 2021
Beloved Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, & Seth Rogen Canceled For Starring In Dr Seuss' Horton Hears A Who
by Drew Valdez -- In this week’s slew of cancelations, some of Hollywood’s most lovable actors Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, and Seth Rogen...
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Weekly Report
Nov 22, 2020
Man Killed By Girlfriend After He Claimed He “Didn’t Know Who That B*tch Was”
by Drew Valdez -- Sad news strikes again as we’ve learned a man was killed by his girlfriend last night. The homicide occurred after the...
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Weekly Report
Oct 17, 2020
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Weekly Report
May 5, 2020
Grimes and Musk Say "Œ D-29 Ÿß" Was First Choice For Son’s Name
By Drew Valdez -- Grimes and Elon Musk have welcomed their child "X Æ A-12" to the world as their process of creating 100 offspring...
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Weekly Report
May 4, 2020
Star Wars Fans With Lisps Hesitant To Say “May The 4th Be With You” Out Loud
By Drew Valdez -- May 4th is a day that Star Wars fans from all over wait 364 days to have their fun with. You’ll see the “May the force,...
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Weekly Report
Apr 12, 2020
Catholic Church Begins To Perform Baptisms Over Text To Practice Safe Social Distancing
By Drew Valdez -- A local Catholic Church is now baptizing the not yet submissives through text messages to practice proper social...
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Weekly Report
Apr 11, 2020
Mattel To Introduce New "Quarantine Barbie"
By Drew Valdez -- Yesterday, Mattel CEO Ynon Kreiz announced the company will be introducing the new Quarantine Barbie as a new edition...
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