Weekly Report
Catholic Church Begins To Perform Baptisms Over Text To Practice Safe Social Distancing
By Drew Valdez -- A local Catholic Church is now baptizing the not yet submissives through text messages to practice proper social...
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Weekly Report
Apr 11, 2020
Mattel To Introduce New "Quarantine Barbie"
By Drew Valdez -- Yesterday, Mattel CEO Ynon Kreiz announced the company will be introducing the new Quarantine Barbie as a new edition...
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Weekly Report
Apr 8, 2020
Bernie Drops Out; Will Work As Larry David’s Stunt Double On Sitcom
By Drew Valdez -- Shocked to learn that Joe Biden has not officially died yet and much to the disappointment of college students across...
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Weekly Report
Apr 1, 2020
Chinese Children Reunite with Families After Nike Shuts Down Operations
By Drew Valdez -- As Nike announced it will be closing all U.S. stores in hopes to stop the spread of the coronavirus, millions of child...
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Weekly Report
Apr 1, 2020
Leftists Swear Off Pillows Forever Because “Like Hate and Stuff, Man”
By Kyle Robinson -- It was simply too much for the ‘woke’ demographic of our country to see MyPillow founder Mike Lindell appear to be in...
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Weekly Report
Apr 1, 2020
Anime Character Admits Yelling the Attack While Attacking Wastes Breath
By Drew Valdez -- Over the years, we have grown accustomed to our favorite anime heroes and villains ferociously shouting their special...
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Weekly Report
Mar 31, 2020
KKK Holds First Virtual Cross-Burning on Zoom
By Drew Valdez -- The Ku Klux Klan is not letting a global pandemic get in the way of any of their activities as they conducted their...
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Weekly Report
Mar 31, 2020
Father Strikes Son as Game of Monopoly gets out of Hand
By Drew Valdez -- Last night, police responded to a domestic violence call in a normally quiet suburb. Neighbors say they heard loud...
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Weekly Report
Mar 30, 2020
Wannabe Fit Chick Creates Home Gym to Take Mirror Selfies During Quarantine
By Drew Valdez -- A popular wannabe Instagram fit chick has taken all measures to ensure her mirror selfies are “gym quality.” As the...
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Weekly Report
Mar 30, 2020
Chinese Government Strikes Contract Deal with CNN
By Kyle Robinson -- After months of negotiation the two sides have agreed to a 5-year deal that could be worth up to $350 million and 3...
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